I used to enjoy working on the business. I used to enjoy the bad things that used to happen. I saw them as a learning curve. Because in my mind, my aim was clear – that I wanna know the in and out of running a business.

The aim wasn’t attached to

• Earn in lakhs
• Impress others with my skills
• Or climb the social hierarchy

It was just to know how a business runs. I’m still fascinated by how companies with tens of thousands of employees run. It’s fascinating how the CEO’s decision can change the course of the lives of lakhs of employees. He has to keep every stakeholder in mind before deciding anything. How thrilling it would be.

But this year has leaned more towards negativity for me. I started measuring everything in terms of outcomes only. Always thinking about what it can get me. I no longer take an interest in the HOW of anything, just focusing on WHAT it can get me. I stopped reading, exploring, being curious, learning about branding, and discovering more ways we can serve. I guess I have wasted the last 6 months upholding a reputation I never really built. I haven’t achieved anything big in my life yet (which is not the issue), but I’m still trying to protect my name, which I haven’t made yet.

Not sure where things backfired. Was it from becoming known to many around me that I felt the need to uphold my identity, or the pressure from family to make things work asap? It could just be a nonexistent pressure I’m bringing on myself, which might have helped before but isn’t helping now.

If I have to be in this for the long haul, I need to start enjoying what I’m building. Without the interest, I won’t sustain. I won’t be able to figure out new ways.